How I Stopped Being Invisible and Met My Wonderful New Husband

Photo I used on Zoosk

“Change your attitude, change your approach. What stands in the way becomes the way.”

-from Ryan Holiday’s book The Obstacle is the Way.

What stands in your way when it comes to online dating? You do.

You look at Match, or Tinder or Zoosk, you see all these guys and gals and they all sound alike. “I’m into long walks on the beach, finding my soulmate, here’s a great picture of me leaning on a cool sports car, (shirtless of course), hubba-hubba, how ‘bout it, babe?”

Yawn. How can you find Mr. Right, if everyone sounds alike?

Maybe you take the scientific approach. you write down exactly what you’re looking for and go online.

Surely there’s one perfect guy who meets all these criteria…um, nope.

He’s not there.

You give up, thinking you’ll try another day. This is so discouraging, humiliating even.

You pull out a pint of Haagen Dazs and get busy feeling sorry for yourself. You call up a girlfriend and commiserate on how all the good ones are already taken.

What a croc. Mr. Right hasn’t stepped up to the plate because he can’t find you. And of course, he can’t find you because you’re hiding behind a safe, sounds-good-but-reveals-nothing dating profile.

Serious about wanting to meet Mr. Right? Then change your tune.

Ain’t got nobody to blame but yourself, babe.

Time to stop playing it safe. As of now, the gloves are off.

Here’s what you do:

First, get a friend, someone you like and trust, to take some close-up ‘headshots’ of you.

Put on some make-up, fix your hair, I mean, don’t go crazy, but make an effort to look nice. Hair off your face, like your mother always told you, no sunglasses, no hats, no disguises.

Wear a favorite shirt, one you always look good in.

Now, look at your friend and smile. You like your friend, you trust her. She’s always been there for you.Think about that as she snaps some great pictures of you.

Next, put that relaxed, smiling, trusting picture on your profile.

Add a couple shots of you hugging your puppy or washing your car or doing some volunteer work. Action shots that show your whole body.

Then, sit down and write exactly who you are. No compromises, no ‘what’s going to make me look good.’

Who you are, the real you, is someone wonderful.

Who you are, is who Mr. Right is searching for.

If you’re pretending to be someone else, all you’ll meet is a lot of Mr. Wrongs.

Stop making excuses. Stop putting your life on hold. Your time is now.

Here’s a real-life example:

“I really do attend daily Mass at my local church, pray the Rosary, sing in a church choir and seek to please the Lord and His blessed Mother every day. I like helping others, volunteer as an EMT with my local ambulance squad and work from home as a successful freelance writer. My kids are grown and gone, but we stay in touch every week. I love heading down to the City every month or so to visit my beautiful new grandson. The Lord is first in my life, and I’m looking for a devout Catholic. That’s who I am, that’s what’s important to me. How about you?”

I can guarantee no one else on Zoosk had a profile like mine. No one else could, because it was real, it was me. So, what happened? Yup. Mr. Right saw that and sent me a message, and another one. He was kind, courteous and direct. He was a devout Catholic, active in his church, available to marry in the Church, and he wanted to meet me. We met, we courted, married a couple of years ago, and are very happy together.

What worked: I wrote down everything about me that was real, everything I thought no one would like or accept, and I wrote it into a cheerful, positive profile. And, just FYI, I was 60 years old when I set up that dating profile, so no, you’re never too old to connect with someone who will change your life. As you will change theirs.

Here’s another thought, for those of you who are into the Law of Attraction: writing that dynamic dating profile raises your vibration, so you’re more likely to attract someone who, like you, has a sense of purpose. Someone who is ready.

Too many people on these dating sites are just day-dreaming. Your profile will overwhelm them, and they’ll click on to someone else. That’s fine, you only want one, the right one.

Now that you’ve stopped hiding, he’ll be able to find you.

Ready to stop being invisible on dating sites?

Write your own dynamic, fearless profile.

Need some help? Let me know. Now that I know it’s not impossible, I’d like to help. Your turn…




Writer, editor, advocate, occasional organist/cantor. You can find me at or on

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Barbara Carson Todd

Barbara Carson Todd

Writer, editor, advocate, occasional organist/cantor. You can find me at or on

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